“My wife is a DOG!” He exclaimed. The way he said it reminded me of the stadium chants you can find at any professional sports game. You can always tell the people who are veterans at these games because they know every beat of every time out song and the rules to every crowd participation element. And just like those sports game veterans, Donald Schuler Jr beamed with pride as he explained what it means to be a dog.
Donald went on to explain that this term simply means anyone who is willing to push past a limit to achieve a goal or desired result. “My wife is a dog because she’s hungry. Yes, she is submitted to me but her submission to me does not stop her from being an alpha woman and a go getter. I have such confidence in her ability that if I need to step away from a portion of our business, I know without a doubt she can step in and dominate. And that is because she already possess the hunger to achieve without me.” He said.
“The problem with the world and this generation is that they want a microwave version of a dish that needs to be baked on 350 in the oven.”
We have been groomed for instant gratification however, the best things in life take time. Pregnant moms have to wait for months to meet their babies. Traveling to a country on the opposite end of the world takes time. Food from a 5 star chef takes time. Yet, we think developing healthy and long lasting relationships should come at the drop of a hat. Donald and his wife Tiffanny have dedicated their lives to living on purpose and doing the opposite of the current temperature of culture. They call it ‘counter-culture’ and through their various mediums of social media, television, & interviews, their message has reached thousands.
This concept of waiting while being millennials raised in a microwave ready society was a common theme during my time with them on Instagram Live. Even as they explained the genesis of their relationship and their decision to wait until marriage for sex, they talked about how their habitual patience allowed them to find each other and confirm that this is ‘the one’. Before they were an item, both Donald and Tiffanny took time to truly know who they were, their gifts, purpose, likes/dislikes, etc. This allowed them to see their weaker attributes which helped them hone in on the type of life partner that would be best for them. This took time and plenty of patience with God. Many people find themselves frustrated with God because He doesn’t speak on their time. Often we say we pray but we rarely allow quiet time after we pray to hear a response. This couple did the opposite. They allowed God to tell them their purpose, to map out goals and achievements, & enjoy their singleness. So them finding each other was really a matter of finding someone who was strong in their weaker areas.
“I didn’t have a list of what I wanted in a man because I was so good at spotting out warning signs.” Tiffanny said when asked about how she knew to choose Donald as her husband. “I found myself wanting for the first time to talk about things with Donald instead of arguing. I wanted to listen to his perspective and wanting to submit came naturally.” Tiffanny explained that a major part of the counter cultural ideas in their marriage came from the desire to out serve one another. Their goal is to over serve the other so that neither of them is ever lacking in any area. The time they spent single and alone with God allowed them to form an authentic and evolving view of themselves which has helped them be completely secure in their marriage.
In this current climate of western society, there is a big push to expect your partner to come ready and tailor made for you without any work on your part. This is not only a harmful but dangerous way to handle relationships of any kind. Donald uses the 4 wheel method. Picture a car with four wheel. Each wheel represents a necessary portion of a relationship that needs to be feed, communicated, & nurtured throughout life. Physical, mental, spiritual, & emotional are the 4 wheels. People who live based on the ever changing culture standard typically are running on just one or two wheels. They pretend that they are fine and use different things to cope with the fact that they need those additional tires.
Donald explained that being with Tiffanny allows all 4 of his wheels to run smoothly every day because she is his helpmate. “In Genesis, God took a rib from Adam’s side and used it to make Eve, Adam’s wife. God did not take parts from Adams ear because a woman is not to be above a man. He also didn’t take part’s from Adam’s feet because a woman is not beneath a man. He took rib from Adam’s side because that’s how marriage should be. Side by side.”
We have all seen marriages end because both parties are fighting for control. The picture of Adam and Eve’s marriage from Donald fights furiously against the notion that one party is superior or inferior to the other. In a godly marriage, the woman is not solely submitted to a man who is free to do as he pleases. The man is the head and he is submitted to God. His mandate is to sacrifice himself literally and figuratively for his wife. This requires complete trust and communication between the two on a daily basis.
“From the kitchen to the living room to the couch. We talk all day.” Tiffanny says, “Before we got married we weren’t having sex and I thought we might run out of things to talk about after we said our vows.” She said that this constant communication has helped them in their marriage and allows them to limit the distractions of any potential external disruptions. “If another woman wanted to steal him away from me she would have to do more than just have a body. I’ve feed his mind and that’s what he needs. Any other woman would have to have conversations that were just as intimate as ours and that simply isn’t possible.” Donald agreed and added, “I don’t even have a desire to look at or follow on social media tempting women because my wife has everything I need. She has the mind AND the body. There’s literally no use in looking at any other woman especially on social media.”
As I listened to this couple gush over each other I realized that the compliments being thrown out were not actually for each other. They were actually giving God gratitude for the way He has been faithful to them individually and in their marriage. That in itself was the biggest act of counter culture they displayed. Daily when I scroll on social media I see people giving themselves and the universe credit for things that came from God. Rarely do people remember to give God thanks for things like community or how he made you special. We are so used to attempting to fit in by finding another way to deny God’s grace and provision when really anything that is good and perfect came from him. Marriage is beautiful and a spouse is a gift. But if that marriage is not rooted in God and that spouse does not have an ear to hear from God you too could fall victim to the cultures way of relationships. You want your spouse to be evidence of God’s love for you, not a reminder of mistakes you’ve made in the past.
k, good talk