You probably can’t tell now, but my mom and I didn’t always get along. In fact, growing up we were pretty close to mortal enemies (mainly on my part). During my rebellious teenage years, the only thing we did agree on was movie choices. We LOVE RomComs. The cheesier the better. Anytime one of us discovered a new one we’d sit down and watch it together with some good food and maybe a box or two of tissues. So I grew up loving love. I loved watching the guys face light up when he saw the woman of his dreams and how innocent and beautiful she looked walking carefully down the stairs toward her Prince Charming. I especially love the guys monologue confessing his undying adoration for his woman and watching tears well up in his eyes.
And so, I always thought that that was what love looked like. That life changing, earth shaking, soul crushing love. I want the epic grand gesture of love that will bring me to my knees. But, after I started dating I realized that’s not what love looked like all the time. Sometimes it was fights and arguments that make you want to tear your hair out because you’ve explained the same thing 10 times. Sometimes it’s forgiving someone who hurt you for the thousandth time. I was about 20 years old when I realized that most RomComs don’t show what happens next because it’s not always picturesque or ideal. Sometimes what comes after the commitment, proposal, or wedding is a lot of tears, hard times, & prayer. I thought that my future husband would somehow know that he was supposed to do everything just like the movies.
Boy, was I wrong!
After a couple failed relationships and plenty of disappointments and heartbreaks, I found myself crying out to God asking Him to just take love out of my life. Asking Him why He created me with such a generous heart and a small ability to to say no. It hurts when you feel like your love may never be reciprocated in the same way. That people can look at you everyday and NEVER see you.
One night on the phone with one of my greatest friends, I expressed all these emotions. She responded saying, “Janae, if God gave you the ability to love this hard, don’t you think he created someONE for you to give that love to. Why would God make a lock that doesn’t have a key?” And it’s when she says things like this that I’m convinced she’s an actual genius.
True to God’s sense of humor the following Sunday, my favorite Pastor in the whole world, my Pastor Smith, spoke a word about what it takes to live your calling. Beyond finding what God has called you to do is how to wake up everyday and live in your Purpose. And no, I’m not saying falling in love and getting married is my calling or anyone else’s. But how do you expect to be a wife if you never practice the qualities of a good one? Beyond Janae’s looks, what else about me is ready right now to meet a man, join lives, and take care of each other? Can I be honest with you guys…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! What I got out of that particular sermon is this:
- A husband should be a pit stop on your journey not the ONLY journey or even a separate journey you’re trying to complete.
- Just like a test or job interview we must prepare ourselves for marriage or whatever goals, visions, dreams we have. Why would you dream of being a drummer if you are unwilling to pick up sticks?
Then Pastor Smith closed out his sermon with what I call the REAL Keys to Success:
- Patience: God gives us this lesson repeatedly and at different levels because true patience requires total and complete trust in Him.
- Consistency: God wants to make sure you’re serious about what you’re saying. Just like we say to each other, “Actions speak louder than words” Be deligent in your Word, investing in yourself, and improving weak areas.
- Godfidence: Have confidence that God will put seemingly impossible situations in your life as a testimony to His greatness and so others can watch and learn from you.
- Tunnel vision: Stay in your daggone lane kid! Stop looking at what your neighbor has and how they got it. God has more for you. How do I know? Because His Word says what He has in mind is bigger than we can imagine. So if you can imagine it, theres more! Can you imagine 6 figure salary? God sees 8,9,10 figure salaries!
This is what jumpstarted my singleness journey. My journey of accepting myself and learning to better who I am before ever allowing anyone else to enter in my space. After having this realization I committed every piece of me to God. My mind, my body, and talents are all for Him and when the time comes for me to get into a relationship, it will be with a person who is equally devoted to God’s Will. Until then, I will continue to learn to love my singleness and I’ll on;y visit my fantasy love land when I’m watching a new RomCom!
k, good talk