Why did I stop posting pictures of my boyfriend and I…

Any time I posted a picture or video of our adventures together I would get the same type DMs or comments.

“You guys are cute.”

“So glad to see you finally happy.”

“I can see hes been a positive influence on you.”

…and I get offended. Do people really think relationships make you happy? Do people really think before Chris I was unhappy. In fact, before Chris & I got together I prayed and asked God to keep me single. Did they forget all the months I spent in therapy, grief counseling, crying on my friends couches, lamenting relentlessly to God? And they think the thing that cured me and freed me from my pain…was Chris’ abs?

No, I worked. I worked hard on myself. I made myself so sick of my reality that I put in literal blood, sweat, & tears until I found joy in God. It wasnt fun. Not one piece of it was easy but I did it…Im doing it! Because I have to. Because the glow they’re seeing in the smiling pictures of me and Chris is a result of the hard work I did to prepare myself to be the person, woman, wife & mother who could demonstrate life after devastation.

Its an insult to God to believe that meeting my best friend is the thing that keeps me going. God was there in those dark moments, not Chris. The only reason I’m able to even tell Chris about these moments is because God pulled me through them, gave me perspective on them and showed me the way to a better life.

So, how can you reading this get the same glow? I’m sure that at least one of you reading this is going through something difficult. Or you just survived something traumatic. So here’s a short list to get you started.

  1. Let go of those things that don’t serve you.

It’s always good to have a mindless hobby or two but your life cannot be a good one if you fill it with people and things that are mindless projects that do not add to your life. It doesn’t mean it has to be people or things that add money or a side hustle to your life. But it does mean that what ever this thing is, it makes the world…your world better, easier and brighter. Stop taking on people as projects. If someone is a bad friend or partner. Point them to the nearest therapist and roll out! With the very best intentions you can do zero to fix them. It doesn’t matter if they once added to you. If they don’t now…let them go with love! Love them from a distance.

You cannot change your friends…But, you can change you friends.

2. Get help!

The hustle hard mentality of this country and this age of technology makes you feel stupid for not knowing how to do something. There is no shame in seeking help, knowledge, or advice. It doesn’t matter if what you need is for your education or daily living. Be honest with yourself that you will need help from time to time. Not always will your parents or loved ones have those answers. So seek people who are experts in their fields. There is not ONE person who can be everything to you. Even your soulmate will not be every single thing you need. That’s why you need friends, church members, parents, mentors, & therapists to fill in those gaps.

Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing

3. Practice Gratefulness

Yes, it is good to write down all the things in your life you are thankful for. But another way to practice gratefulness is to help those who do not have what you have. Spend some time volunteering at a homeless shelter, youth sports group, or even helping out family members with tasks, chores, or babysitting. Show the people around you that you appreciate them more by just giving gifts or words of affection. Carry around business cards from all your friends and hand them out to strangers at the mall. Send a text to your pastor asking if there’s any errands you can run for them. Call your friends and leave a voicemail they can keep forever. Say a prayer for someone who doesn’t like you. All these things are a form of gratefulness you can practice daily and weekly.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough


4. Cry

Holding in emotions doesn’t make you strong. Being a stoic oak tree does not benefit you. God gave ALL of us emotions for a reason. For most of us when we were born, the first thing we did was cry. It was a sign of life. It was a sign of humanity. Be human, and cry! Emotions are not there to drive the car but to be backseat passengers in this journey of life. Use them to connect with God, yourself, & others. Intimacy is more than just sex and emotions are more than just sadness. Learn not only how to express how you feel but WHY you feel that way.

Crying and giving up are not the same. Choose one.

Remember that life is a collection of events not a summary of one moment. Try your best during frustrating moments to ask your self, “Will I remember this in 10 years?” If the answer is no, then it’s not worth the frustration. Let it go! Get your glow on and don’t rely on anyone else to determine where your glow comes from!

k, good talk